What she means 2 me

The muse that inspire my poetry.
I’d give up who I am for her, knowing me.
This puzzles me, because she’s the only piece that can complete me.
If she wants, I’d give her my heart and soul completely.
I try to get her, using different angles like geometry.
She grew on me in hopes she’ll be apart of my family tree.
This is the story of how I know her.
This is me flashing back on how good we were.
Back then I was way too nervous to even talk to her.
Usually all we ever do is just share a stare.
I hope I aint allergic because she drives me nuts.
Getting laughed at like “haha you ain’t got the guts.”
Never finding the perfect opportunity to halla.
If I got 1 cent for everytime I didn’t approach her, I’d have a dollar.
It’s funny because I’d spend that dollar all on her.
They say love is blind, which explains why the next moment was a blur.
I bumped into her, then her books fell.
Not knowing what to say because I’m as scared as hell.
Come on dude, say something, this is your chance.
I reached to the floor, got her books and we shared a glance.
“Sorry for that.
Im a clumsy cat.
But Hey I’ve seen you around and you kinda cute.
I know we haven’t spoken but I thought I might give it a shoot.
Oops, I mean shot.
Cause you hot.
I’m sorry I know I’m mumbling.”
I’m tryna get lucky like I’m gambling.
She replies with a “shhhhhhh…” and a smile.
I’m thinking this is the moment I’ve been waiting for, for a while.
She takes my phone, types something fast and gives it back.
To my surprise it says “maybe one day  when you stop being wack”.
I look up and she was gone from me.
I kept thinking about that line and how it took apart of me.
It still hurt but never showing it.
Like a hurdle I had to get over it.
But since I’ve spoken to her and she knows how I feel.
I thought why not carry on pushing this love struck deal.
Started speaking to her, got close and shared some moments.
Even copying each others homework like “What’s those exponents?”
But lowkey I’m still pushing game.
Like a sniper I’m focused on my aim.
But then I keep getting curved like cosine.
I’m playing the long game so that’s fine.
Turns out I aint her type of guy.
You know, the type to write poetry and kinda shy.
On my knees praying like “God im perfect for her.
And can’t she see how much I would do for her.”
But will she ever see it?
Her boyfriend, will I ever be it?
I guess not, head down, my heart dropped.
Demoralised because I think I’ve flopped.
Next morning around lunch time.
She approaches me looking kinda fine.
She asked if we can talk in private.
I don’t know what about, just glad I’m invited.
She says “I don’t know how to say this but you grew on me.
I know I called you wack and just a homie.
But there’s something about you that gets a hold of me.
This got me thinking, is this a dream or reality.
It looks like the prayer I said last night is coming true.
And somehow I’m one step closer in getting you.
“Is this how you really feel.
What changed, what’s the deal.”
“I had an epiphany last night and now I see.
Out of all these lame niggas, you the one for me.”
I’m out of words like an ended call.
At this moment I’m feeling kinda tall.
The girl of my dreams admitting she likes me.
Thinking of the future and damn it excites me.
So fast forward through the romance and the fights.
Through the first “I love you” moment and the calls at night.
I’m talking fast forwarding years now.
To the point where we still together and people ask “how?”.
We going 5 years strong, we still young but we making it work.
We both have big dreams, with each other and our work.
She wants to be actress and I wanted to be poet.
This isnt going to work out and we dont even know it.
Prolonging the inevitable, we carry on dating.
Our dreams aren’t linking and it’s a tad bit frustrating.
She gets news from her agent, she’s got a call back.
It’s all the way in America and they don’t want any hold back.
Im ecstatic for her, words can’t even show it.
She’s didn’t think she’d get it, she assumed she blew it.

The next couple of words rocked my universe.
What kind of sick joke is this, this feels like a curse.
She says “if I accept the role I’m moving there forever.”
What’s going through my mind is…will I see her again ever.
Maybe I can save up money to visit.
But how long will that take for me to afford a ticket.
Heartbroken, crushed, my mental has been dismantled.
It got to the point where I blamed her, shes gonna leave me abandoned.
So I confront her not thinking that I’m putting her in a situation.
Where she has to pick between me or her dreams, what’s her decision.
“Cant believe you gonna leave me for some gig, you being selfish.”
But love makes you lose your mind, makes you foolish.
Not wanting her to leave, in a way I’m fighting for my dreams.
“If you leave to the states forever, you know what that means.”
“There’s no more we, no more our, no more their, no more us.
Long distance brings less physicality and more mistrust.”
My pain is taller than the Eiffel.
I know that’s spiteful.
“You the only girl I’ve ever tried for.
And I’d die for.”
She takes my phone, types something fast and gives it back.
To my surprise it’s says “because of you I’m leaving and I’m never coming back.”
I look up and she was gone from me.
Back to where I started…remember… that time when she rejected me.

This is to the muse that inspires me.
I’d still give up who I am for her…knowing me.
That one that features in all my poetry.
But like the old saying “If you love her, set her free”
If she comes back, then true love is the cause.
If she doesn’t, it’s sad to say that she was never yours.
Never make her doubt nor choose.
Between dreams or you because you might lose.
Just let her follow her heart and keep hoping.
That she finds happiness where ever she’s going.
If not she better come back to you.
So both of yol can be happy and start Anew.
Don’t push her away because of your selfish intention.
Love her to the point she’s addicted to your affection.
Don’t break her heart, don’t make the same mistake I made.
I never got to say goodbye because I messed and it’s my heart that paid.
I wish her I can tell her I’m sorry, I wish her the best.
But most of all I pray she stays blessed.

She’s my heart and my soul too.
She’s my tropical vacation with the view.
She’s my now and my forever.
She’s my always and my never.
She’s my Hell and my Heaven.
She’s my Eight minus Seven.
She’s my air and my lungs
She’s my translation when I’m speaking in tongues.
She’s my everything and I’m not playing.
We broke up but I’m still praying.
That one day we get back together, maybe she will see.
That thats what she means to me.




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