Pen, Paper and Some HeartBreak

Why can’t I open up to the people listen.
Why do relationships feel like a prison.
Why do I choose girls that love me too much or don’t love me at all.
Why when everything is going perfect I find a way to drop the ball.
Why would I tell you it’s over when I don’t even mean it.
Why do I enter messy relationships when  can’t even clean it.
Why am straight up with the women that curve me.
Why would they take my heart, loves amputee.
Then misuse it, I don’t get it.
I need to change this, like a picture I should edit…

To my Demons…

I don’t know what to say to you anymore.
I don’t know why I showed you the door.

Sitting her with this pen and paper.
Reflecting on my past and how I am a failure.
I had one job, keep her happy.
I never gave her attention now it ended badly.
I should have known she’d lose interest like a bad investment.
She put her all into it, she was that invested.
She loved me and I didn’t love her back.
All I ever did was talk shit, gimme a tic tac.
And now she’s gone forever.
Will she ever come back, never.

To Christine…

I should have been your knight in shining armour.
I’m sorry for what I did to you I deserve the worst, Karma.

Sitting her with this pen and paper.
Reflecting on my past and how I am a failure.
I was thinking with my sexual organ.
I only started regretting it the next morning.
I wish I could take it back you were so good to me.
Im kinda missing you and now your name is all I see.
But remember you left me for the university experience.
All I wanted to show you is that I’m serious.
Then after I put in all that effort you leave.
Now im writing this poem, showing the world how I grieve.

To Nadine…

You could have done better.
I think it’s time to forget her.

Sitting her with this pen and paper.
Reflecting on my past and how I am a failure.
She was one of my favourites, I don’t know why.
She was socially awkward , she was so shy.
She hardly put in any effort but then again she was new to this.
Listen to me defend her, I think I was even her first kiss.
She was the first time I felt unwanted, unloved by anyone.
It was unnatural, I didn’t get it, I got scared and now we done.
I regret letting her go because we had a good time.
But I know my worth and I deserve better and that’s the bottom line…

To Bongiwe

Everywhere I look all I see is you.
Too bad I’ve never got an “I love you too.”

I wonder if any of them read my poems.
I wonder if any of them knew they were my homes.
I wonder if they know who they are.
I wonder if any of them left a scar.
I wonder if they regretting their decision.
I wonder what they’d do in my position.
Would they have turned right or would they have just left.
Would we have keep It in or would have it all been addressed.
Reflecting on my past, anti reminiscing.
I know I fucked up and i hope all of you are forgiving…

To my Conscience

Sitting here with this pen and paper.
Thinking what would life be like if I was still with her.

BMN.

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